Please keep your tongues to yourselves in the Outback Bowl

Other than that I see pictures of two beautiful states. Congratulations.

You guys might be more annoying than Clemson fans.

with the exception of the Loess Hills, Iowa isn’t that pretty. And, in fairness, you didn’t show the dump that is Greenville or Clemson. Nor the choking clouds of mosquitoes.

It’s either a positive or it’s a negative. They swarm you, insulting your team and full of preachy talk about how great their RB is or their coach or their former quarterbacks or a blowout win in 1979 or something.

They do all this knowing full well their program has reached a tedious equilibrium in college football, with a coach that does just enough to keep his job and just enough to keep fans from going crazy.

Despite this, they still swarm.

Are they great fans?

Or just annoying?

Or both?

We must unravel this mystery. Iowa football fans: a unique breed who cheer loudly and often for accomplishments of so little significance.

All I keep seeing on these posts are the moderator, some Florida fans, some dog fighter, and the CockHawk who obviously has issues with his identity…did the rest of them give up already or were they ever even here?

Just stick to football and we will stop with the farmer jokes? Please don’t stop the farmer jokes…that’s all you’ve got. While it is really an obvious, easy attack and seriously lacks in creativity in the way you’ve used it so far, it is great to see you at least doing something. It’s cute to see you trying with your little photo essay showing your one clean city, and some images of our beautiful heartland. If you start there, maybe you can build up to something that can actually hurt our feelings someday. Don’t give up, and believe me, you really don’t want to talk about football with us. It’s futile and moot at best. Nothing you can say makes your team look remotely competitive at this point. So, the one or two of you that are actually trying to stand up for your team, keep up the decent work.

You might find us annoying now if you don’t have a sense of gamesmanship and more importantly…humor…but you are really gonna miss us when we are gone. Once the game is over we’ll turn your little ghost-town of a blog back over to you and you guys can discuss the disappointment, what went wrong, SEC speed, how you wish you were Florida, etc. Until then, at least put up a bit of a fight! You guys are freaking Fighting Chickens right? That Cock doesn’t just lay down, shrivel up and go away…it stands up and rises to the occassion!

So I have a buddy that used to have a hawk for a pet. One day, he decided to take his hawk to a cock fight. While in the basement, a man approached him, asking “Hey, why’s your cock got a hood on him?” (because, most pet hawks in crowded environments have hoods so as to not disorient them, send them into a panic, etc.) My buddy responded with, “It’s not a chicken; it’s my pet hawk.” A conversation ensued, ending ultimately with a challenge from the man that his pet cock would tear apart the hawk. My buddy consented to such a challenge.

So the hawk and the cock get into the ring. And the cock starts strutting around, making his funny little sounds, and the hawk just stands there. Eventually, the hawk lets out an ear-piercing scream; he turns his head to the side, because hawks can only see in tunnel vision, and let’s out another scream. The cock, perhaps sensing that the hawk is ready to brawl, attacks. As the cock gets near, the hawk deftly swipes out one talon-laced foot, and cuts the cock’s head off. He then calmly flew back to my buddy’s shoulder, where my buddy smiles, puts the bag back over his head, and walks over to the stunned man to collect his money.

This is a true story, and the “cock v. hawk” background is merely coincidental. I just love hearing it, so I thought I’d share it.

I’ve thrown a few humorous elbows from time to time (see my Random Clemson Guy post from a few weeks ago, which didn’t turn out so funny in the end because of the result …) And I’m familiar with BHGP. But come up with something other that COCKSCOCKS!! LOLOLOLOLOL. I mean, even the Clemson fans are more creative than that.

You’re too sensitive. We’ll be the first to raise your flag, drop our socks and grab our ….., if you win this game. It’s not going to happen, but hey, weirder things have happened. Like the jNorthwestern game.

It all comes down to what fugal delusion our OC experiences when he scripts the first hardcoded 45 plays of the game, and whether or not the Manzi agrees to part with his gloves. When the game he imagines is the game we actually play? Things work out fine.

After all, your season long experience suggests that you have slightly more than a 50% probability of scoring a single RUSHING TOUCHDOWN, despite your having vastly superior S-E-C speed, but for your sakes I would try to do so from outside the red zone. One TD should be enough. We’ll roll over and die, then fuel up the stock trucks and rumble on back north.

None of the above charitable remarks apply to Gatorpilot, whose apparent knowledge of the pigskin arts (note: who raises hogs by the million?) … well, he hasn’t offered any football knowledge. He just says he’s from Florida, and that’s pretty close to SC, so, game over. Pfft. Gatorpilot? You’re on instruments without a compass.

I still think the crafty OBC is strangely disengaged, if not clinically depressed. I’m worried about the guy. Maybe we should go easy in this one. Going into the Wofford game, quite a barn-burner, that, what with the Wing-Bone (not bad, the Chickens playing against a 1-AA team running a Wing-Bone offense) SC had lost 7 of 8 after ending the prior year 0 fer 6. Now the bottom has fallen out in two straight, and the crafty one has publicly promised to coach like Little Bo Peep this month to help y’all restore your confidence. This is some strange psychodrama you got going. Does Tommy Beecher want to play yet?

Unfortunately, for you guys, I’ve been doing a little prep myself. One thing I learned is that Clemsen runs some zone blocking schemes. That one didn’t turn out so good.

I have read the last few entries and the hundreds of comments that followed…and I have to agree, Iowa fans are right up there with Clemson. So annoying. Must be something in the Cows.

And the COCK jokes, really? I’m a girl and I’m not offended…so I can’t see why guys would be. People from all over the country KNOW who the Cocks are…bc it’s an awesome mascot. It’s funny, it’s phallic…whatever. But 80% of the country would have to google Iowa to even know what your mascot is.

And when we beat you in Tampa in a few weeks…it gets really fun, “we cock slapped you”…“you can’t beat our cocks” etc. See? that’s fun. What’s to be ashamed of. Who doesn’t love a good penis joke?

Oh and to answer someone’s question from a previous post (since it’s the same yahoos that keep commenting)…ummm, we keep bringing up the back to back Ohio State victories for the same reason you keep mentioning how AWESOME your record is against the SEC. it’s really the only time we play each other, moron!

that it does actually. Not for the right reasons, but people know who we are. I follow college football, not just SoCar…and I honestly thought you guys were the Cardinals. And I asked several guys…and it was a split decision. the resounding conclusion was “a bird”. And you’re getting ready to find out aWHO WE ARE at Raymond James!!!

And yeah…I’m a Cockfan. that’s original. I can’t believe you didn’t call “first” since you got to say before anyone else. ;)

hey – dirty old man – I think it’s funny!! pretty sure I said that DUDE! ease up. Although, I do find yall (yes, I said yall) to be annoying in the process. we take our football very seriously around here. Even the girls. We love football. Your women are just shaped like footballs.

BURN

see, we can crack jokes too!?!

I think you will be pleasantly suprised by the hott USC women!!! ;) PLEASE don’t judge our fans by the WHOLE state…remember, our rival is also from SC…and they’re women are fat and ugly. and fat. and ugly.

Also – congrats to you!! naming ALL the BCS teams AND mascots?? woo hoo!! what an accomplishment! I guess when you’re snowed in for months at the time you have plenty of time to work on memorization. I prefer to work on my tan.

will you marry me?

I hereby appoint you defender of the realm. Your job is to keep these wheat farmers busy until New Years Day.

Gamecock Man, I accept with honor!!

it’s good we’ve had so much practice w the other redneck farm school all these years, huh?

if he hadn’t been fired, maybe we could have beaten them this year ;( oh wait…we still had SMELLY, the color blind wonderboy >=( Grrr. never mind

 please enjoy this fine article from the esteemed Des Moines Register.