The Iowa Hawkeyes: What They Bring to the Table Offensively

DJK is much more well-spoken, however.

not enough Greene ball washing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGEFR9g-YqM

Pay close attention to not only the blocking up front, but down field as well. Iowa forces all 11 on defense to step up and stop the run. If you don’t, Greene will add to this highlight reel.

Some Iowa fans come to say something substantive. Thanks for the YouTube video.

Iowa throws to their TEs a LOT, so it would be wise for the Gamecocks not to ignore them. Between their three TEs, they average over 13 YPC, and account for 6 of 15 TDs.

Plus they block like mean mo’fo’s.

We run a pro-ish west-coast-based offense, with lots of I and ace-back formations with a bit of shotgun mixed in. We play fundamentally sound, and will make you defend the entire field. If you load up the box to stop Greene, look for quick passes up the sideline, bubble/jailbreak screens, and long bombs off the play action. If you play honest, look for Greene to break some long runs with great downfield blocking. We’ll pass to set up the run, run to set up the pass, and overall scratch where it itches. Iowa seems on the surface a team that you will always know what they will do, but they do it well and force you to stop them… but just when you’re lulled into a sense of security we’ll break tendency and throw a play out there that will look exactly like another Iowa play you’ve seen a hundred times on tape but will actually be a fake one of those that instead goes to the third-string TE wide open in the end zone. It’s an exciting offense to watch, and has been one of the better scoring offenses in the Big Ten when we have the personnel.

QB – Ricky Stanzi has shown shades of greatness in his first year, has good pocket presence and can throw a perfect touch pass or rifle the ball out on a rope, but can be inconsistent at times and will make the occasional boneheaded mistake that you’d expect out of a first-year QB. The random dropped snap or what we’ve come to call a “Stanziball,” where he throws a duck into triple coverage will give SC the opportunity to catch a break or two if they can capitalize on the misstep. If Stanzi plays within himself and does enough to keep the D honest, he’ll do his part. The backup, Jake Christensen, is the former starter, son of NFL QB Jeff Christensen, won most accurate at the Elite 11 QB camp (over the likes of Chase Daniel, Mark Sanchez, Jonathan Crompton & Ryan Perrilloux) with all the pedigree you would expect in a superstar QB. Unfortunately, Jake hasn’t lived up to his potential for whatever reason and was benched in favor of Stanzi at the start of the Big Ten conference slate.

RB – Shonn Greene is a total back. Many pundits call him a workhorse owing to his size, but he has good speed, excellent vision, and a great burst to go with his mass, plus enough shiftiness to make defenders miss, decent receiving skills and great blocking skills in the pass game. If your D doesn’t tackle well, expect to cry yourselves to sleep, because Greene will run through any half-assed arm tackle thrown his way. His reliever, Jewel Hampton, is a true freshman whose running style I would compare to a pinball. He reaches full speed in a couple steps, runs low, and has incredible balance, bouncing off tacklers in full stride without slowing down and always keeping square to the LOS. Won’t make many people miss and will occasionally miss the hole, but he’ll fall forward and is a big play threat on any snap. Fullback is Brett Morse. Iowa uses the FB almost exclusively as a blocking back, but don’t be surprised if we sneak a throw to him on a wheel route once we’re in the red zone.

WR – Derrell Johnson-Koulianos is a quick receiver, but will sometimes drop easy balls. He gets open on good route running and sharp cuts, not so much on his speed alone (this has been a breakout year for him). Brodell is a converted RB and HS track star who has perhaps lost a step since tearing his hamstring completely off the bone in 2007 (you can look on youtube for videos of him humiliating Texas’ secondary, most of whom are in the NFL now, in the ‘06 Alamo Bowl). But he still has elite speed, runs precise routes, and has good soft hands. There’s a bit of a dropoff after our starting two, but look for Colin Sandeman, Trey Stross, and Paul Chaney to figure into the offense. We don’t have a legit big time receiver that will torch the defense, but we’ve got enough speed and skill at this position to take advantage of a blown coverage and to keep the D honest.

TE – We have a great corps of ends, from the all-too-often-injured Moeaki (who would be a household name by now if not for his retardedly astounding penchant for breaking his body parts) to the backup who stepped into fill his shoes and wound up all big ten, Brandon Myers, to the reliable Allen Reisner. All of them can block, all of them can catch. We love to throw to them, and will, often.

OL – unheralded in Shonn Greene’s success is the great young OL developing quietly here in Iowa City. These guys looked miserable learning on the job last year, but as this season progressed you could see them finally starting to click. This year they’ve done nothing but improve, and are a well-oiled machine now. The stars are Bryan Bulaga (tackle) and Seth Olsen (guard), but we’ve got a deep, experienced unit here. Our bread and butter is the zone run, and our guys have got this down to a science. Your front seven will have to stay home and contain from sideline to sideline or Iowa will roll up massive rushing numbers. In pass protection they’re solid but not spectacular. Don’t know much about the USC DL, but if you have a legit edge rusher DE or LBs who are good in the blitz, you could have a good day if we pass too much (as we are wont to do).

CockMan said stiff.

Also with inexplicable poorly-mixed hip hop soundtracks.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrWZwH9VVJU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKZP6d-WP7E

COACH – Steve Spurrier is the Head Cock / Cock Head. Also known as "The ‘Ol Ball Coach" for some reason. He was a two-time All-American and is a member of the College Football Hall of Fame as a player. He is best known for winning the Heisman Trophy in 1966, for talking funny, and for coaching the University of Florida football team to six SEC championships during his tenure there, which encompassed the seasons 1990–2001. He also led the Gators to one National Championship in 1996. He took over for Lou Holthzsz in South Carolina and has done nothing seriously notable there except BEAT the Clemson Tigers a few times which I guess is a big deal to his fellow Cocks since it earned him a contract EXTENSION. He has a good STAFF and really knows football IN AND OUT. He takes a HANDS ON approach with his Cocks. He has ERECTED a respectable program.

QB – Smelley or Garcia. Doesn’t really matter which. Both BLOW about equal. Neither is really a ROCKET IN THE POCKET. Whoever the Cocks INSERT will have trouble getting UP AND DOWN the field against a STOUT defense. They simply don’t have the TOOLS to impress, especially when playing FROM BEHIND most of the time and with a line that allows a lot of PENETRATION.

RB – The main weapon is Mike Davis. He is experienced, and is the COCK THAT GETS THE MOST TOUCHES. He is a bruising back that HITS THE HOLE HARD and EXPLODES with his PUNISHING THRUSTS. He doesn’t have much STAMINA though and wears down against a TIGHT defense in the REAREND of games.

WR – All of the MEMBERS of the receiving corp for the Cocks get BALLS pretty evenly. Kenny McKinley is the one who gets his hands on the most of them, and seems to have very STICKY FINGERS. He had a hurt toe in the preseason and missed a few games even but doesn’t have even a LIMP at this point.

TE – Jared Cook is the TIGHT END. He is actually a very dangerous target. He runs a sub 4.4 40 and leaps too. The Cocks like to SQUIRT him out into space where he can SPRING UP for BALLS. Covering him will be a STIFF test. Seriously HARD.

OL – They are just all BIG HUGE MASSIVE Cocks.

Final Thoughts:
This is going to be a blowout. They aren’t going to be able to stop Greene without commiting 10 guys to the box, which has it’s obvious problems. Nothing to be afraid of except that Spurrier has a month to figure out the complicated Ken O’Keefe offense, decide on a QB to use and then have them practice 3 yard passes the rest of the month. Even then, they still have to stop Shonn Greene. No, we aren’t Florida this year, but we are a lot closer to them than we are to you. You are just THAT OTHER USC (you should actually be written as "usc"). You can’t compete with us even if you are a member of the mighty, amazing, incredible, untouchable, all holy SEC. Sorry to embarrass you on National TV New Years Day. Your only prayer is that we hand you the game with turnovers like we did in our 4 losses. Even then, we are much better now and you won’t PULL IT OUT.

SUCK IT COCKS.