SEC Programs as Biblical Figures

This was originally written by Lee Kennedy, and we are posting with his permission and only slight editing.  He's a friend and decent guy with the misfortune of being born and raised a Georgia fan, though I suppose Kyle would call him a DGD.  His misguided allegiance should explain the vitriol for some programs and sympathetic depiction of UGa.  I've provided links for any heathen Methodists or Florida fans that don't remember the stories.

Alabama - King Solomon. No matter what you have, what you accomplish, or who you become, he will insist on topping you regardless of the costs involved or who he has to step on to get there. The Old Testament Law only allowed for one wife. Solomon claimed 300.  Many authorities dispute that number.  Obviously 299 of them decided to transfer due to ‘medical conditions’. His 700 concubines received Grayshirts, hoping to eventually move up to wife status.

Arkansas - Moses. Wandering around up there in the wilderness/Ozarks searching for the Promised Land of an SEC Title. There's a good chance all the current followers will be dead before they actually get there.

Auburn - Judas Iscariot. One of the original members, but later proved to be deceitful and very untrustworthy. Sold his soul for 30 pieces of silver.  After inflation, that comes to about $180,000.

Florida - Satan. Pure evil, incredibly arrogant, an enemy of mankind who leads you to believe he has everything you want your program to be, but will one day be cast into a lake of fire. Great Deceiver who occasionally leads astray even the most righteous.  Though it has been said "the Devil wears Prada", he actually wears jean shorts.

Georgia - Job. Once very well off and prosperous while doing things the right way, now going through some very difficult times and relying on faith to carry him.  Could come out on the other side better off than ever before.

Kentucky - Jezebel. Spent her entire life worshiping the false god BasketBaal and trying to deter people from the true faith.

LSU - Lot. Flourishing in the heart of Sodom and Gommorah.

Ole Miss - Cain. Never satisfied with what he has, believes he deserves much more.  Carries a mark for past sins, and is jealous of his brother(s).

Mississippi State - Bartholomew. We know he was one of the 12, but we never hear about him and nothing much is ever written of him, though it is presumed he somehow managed to triumph over Satan.

South Carolina - Aaron. Brother of Moses.  Assembled all of the riches in a poor area (Columbia) to erect a Golden Calf (Steve Spurrier) for the people to worship.

Tennessee - The Prodigal Son. Lived a prosperous life, but wanted much more.  He was willing to sacrifice all morals to live in the bright light of the nation's eyes, even if it meant hiring Lane Kiffin. That life of luxury was not all it cracked up to be, and he fell on hard times. He came crawling back to his roots, begging for forgiveness and a return to a normal life.

Vanderbilt - Apostle Paul. Completely dedicated his life to the true gospel of the university system (academics) and is constantly beaten and abused for it.