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Craig James and Mark May pick the USC/Vandy game!

Anyone catch Four Downs with Craig James and Mark May? Apparently, they both picked Vanderbilt to upset us. Missed it? Don't worry. Here's an EDSBS-style transcript:

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Jay Harris: Alright, it's time for four downs with Mark May and Craig James. Mark joins us here in Bristol, Craig's coming at us from via satellite from the recesses of his own ass!

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Craig: Howdy Jay! Thanks fer havin' me, but why'd ya bring back May? Comic relief?

Mark: Pony, I look forward to embaaarrassing you again this week. 

Jay Harris: Alright boys, settle down! First down: SEC East battle featuring two 3-0 teams. One is exceeding expectations, the other, raising some questions as to whether they really are a championship contender. So, who you got, South Carolina or Vanderbilt? 

Mark: Jay, the aaaaanswer is easy: It's Vaaaaanderbilt. Are you kidding me? Five picks off Ole Miss? Stellar paaaass defense? A new coach in James Fraaaanklin who's got this team invigorated, and ready to go into Columbia and take one from the Gamecocks, who are in a bleak tailspin, careening into an abyss of eternal blaaaackness? It's Vaaaanderbilt in a laaaandslide.

Craig: Well golly, Mark! You been readin' my notes big boy! 

Mark: Pony, the only notes of yours I've read are your advaaaanced taaaactics for the untraceable disposal of hooker bodies.

Craig: Pah-HAW! Well look, Jay, the answer is simple: Vanderbilt is here to win. The Commodores have brought a sense of excitement and vivacity not felt in Nashville since Minnie Pearl's tit fell out at the Opry! Meanwhile, down in Columbia, Steve Spurrier's fielding the worst 3-0 team in the history of man. Seriously, this team is a shambles! Marcus LATTAMOOR cain't be the whole team! HE JEST CAIN'T! They got all these gahs, ALL AMERICAN CALIBER GAHS, who aren't steppin' up! AILshon Jeffrey! JA-DEVEN CLOWNEY! I'm ready to call 'em both busts. If I was these kids' parents, I'd leverage my standing in the national media to have Spurrier fahred. 

Mark: Pony, the faaaaacts don't lie. The Gamecaaacks are dead laaaaast in EVERY, OFFENSIVE, CAAAATEGORY. Look it up.

Jay: I...I'm not sure that's true, Mark. In fact they--

Mark: I'm sorry, what was thaaaat? Did you question my football aaaaacumen? Laaaast time I checked, when you were schmoozing at an Old Dominion alumni brunch, I was WINNING SUPERBOWLS.  Kiss the rings, Jay. 

Craig: Pah-HAW! Easy there, Mark! Hadn't seen you this fahred up since they ejected you from ESPN the Weekend after you tried to get frisky with CINDERELLA! But, Jay, Mark's right: South Carolina is merely the fiery wreckage of a 747 made of high expectations, visors, and MARCUS LATTAMOOR'S HYBRID CORNROWBRAIDYTHING. They might as well be 0-40! 

Jay: Alright, gentlemen, let's move on to second down.

Voice: Not stho fasht.

Mark: Oh, Jesus.

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Lou: Mark, Craig, you thwo whippershnappersh don't know the firsht thing about prognoshticashtion! The Gameocksh road to victory reshtshs on thshree thshingsh: Getting Marcush Lattimore the ball, Shtephen Garshchia's ability to shthrow accurate passhesh, and being a kind, devoted and jusht hushband and family man! Do all of theshe thshingsh, and Shouthsh Carolina winsh big. My predicshtion: Lattimore runsh for a thoushand yardsh in the firshth drive alone. Gamecocksh 92, Vandjerbilt, oschtrichsh egg. 

Craig: Pah-HAW!

Jay: Is the MLB network hiring?

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