OMAHA, NE - JUNE 29: Head coach Ray Tanner of the South Carolina Gamecocks ponders dropping "duck-sniffer" into the postgame presser. (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)
Note: In this new feature, we channel our inner-EDSBS and take a humorous/satirical look at various and sundry Gamecock sports narratives.
In last night’s 2-1 win over the Davidson Wildcats, the Yardcocks continued a trend of relative futility in midweek games. Their 9-3 record against the Tuesday/Wednesday set includes a pair of one-run wins, too. A few bad bounces, and we’re looking at 7-5! Yes, that’s Dabo logic, and yes, each loss was also a one run affair, but don’t harsh my Chicken Little buzz, bro. Also worth noting: Our three mid-week busts exceed our combined total from the World Series seasons (28-2 over that stretch. Oh, hey, I was at one of those losses. Aren’t I lucky?) We also haven’t posted a double-digit outburst, even though we’ve scored 10+ five times during weekend series.
(Continue reading after the jump.)
The burning question is, "What gives?" Why can’t we take advantage of mid-major opposition as we have in past years? Hell, we’ve scored 65 runs in 12 midweek tilts; last year, we scored 59 runs in three games! Of course, all you Rational Richards will cite Ray Tanner’s need to feel out his pitching staff and get ABs to a freshman-heavy lineup. In a year when experience isn’t our strongpoint, it makes sense to use our out of conference slate as a testing ground for the n00bs, thus explaining our relative lack of dominance in that realm.
- Lacked necessary inspiration from marine life.
- Presbyterian College intimidation factor ratcheted up due to consecutive defeats of Clemson.
- Food coma brought on by ill-timed "chicken finger Wednesday" pregames.
- Team morale sapped by Michaels Roth’s dry dugout lectures on business ethics.
- Alshon Jeffrey’s weight [Bullet point provided by Mel Kiper.]
- Good ol’ fashioned hubris!
- Bat temperatures plummet after a robed Jack Leggett casts "SLUGGERUS FRIGIDUS" spell from Millennium Buffet parking lot.
- Seasonal bellyitching outbreak.
- A distracted Ray Tanner too busy thinking up a folksy, media-charming one liner.
- Joey Pankake’s last name is totally Pankake. Not a reason for struggle; it just can’t be mentioned enough.
- While excited about the future of Gamecock basketball, players slightly unnerved by Frank Martin's tendency to glare into the dugout and eat baseballs.
- Team history buffs fear repercussions of angering ghost of Francis Marion.
- Failure to provide gift of rum to Jobu.
- Due to sunset gametimes, batters blinded by glint of numerous College World Series rings, trophies.