Try out for South Carolina football team and tell us how it goes

Scott Halleran

Let us live vicariously through you in exchange for minor internet celebrity.

There is a zero percent chance that I could have been a college football player at any level of competition. Coming out of high school, I was 5'9, 140 and the kind of soccer player who shied away from contact until he realized that running cross country is sort of like playing soccer but without the threat of a slide-tackling sweeper breaking your fibula. I was also the kind of person who would let the fact that he had no chance of actually getting on the football team prevent him from trying out, even if it meant missing the opportunity to have Steve Spurrier size me up and probably say something hilarious about the very idea of me putting on football pads.

I'm a different person now (getting a decade closer to death has a way of lowering your inhibitions), but that unfortunately means that I'm also no longer a student at the University of South Carolina and thus ineligible to try out for the football team. But if you or someone you know is such a person, there's good news! It's not too late for you (or the person that you know).

University of South Carolina students interested in joining the Gamecock football squad as walk-on members are invited to attend an orientation meeting on Thursday, January 23.

The meeting will take place at 5 p.m. in the team meeting room on the second floor of the Dr. Charles Crews Football Facility, located in the south end zone of Williams-Brice Stadium, above the weight room.

All interested students must be enrolled at the University of South Carolina, be in good academic standing and eligible per NCAA rules.

This meeting is mandatory for any student wishing to be considered a candidate for a walk-on position with the squad for the 2014 season.

You will almost certainly not make it any further than this meeting. You will probably be laughed out of the room by a graduate assistant and be told to never come back. But you might get a fun story out of it. One that we might like to share here at Garnet And Black Attack. (On the other hand, maybe you're a 6'3, 245 middle linebacker, in which case all the better!)

Either way, shoot me an email at connor tapp at gmail dot com if you'd like to discuss this further. In the comments, enter your best guess at what Steve Spurrier would have said to me before shooing me off of his football field.

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