Hello and welcome back to the Thursday Tailgate Talk Primer, your weekly guide to fun and hurtful things to say to the opposing fanbase whilst exercising your liver to deal with the Cardiac Chickens on Gameday.
*I KNOW IT'S NOT THURSDAY BUT WE'RE PLAYING KENTUCKY AND THERE'S A LOT OF MATERIAL TO GO THROUGH OKAY.
Roar. Or whatever.
While I know that most Kentucky fans go to football games just to keep dibs on their parking spaces for basketball season, this doesn't mean that you can't go to the commonwealth and give 'em a little bit of the business about their chin-strap of a program. They won't care, but at least you won't have to think about this for a little while.
-Did y'all know that John Gruenschlaeger listens to Celine Dion to get amped up for games? I always knew those 'Cats were (expletive redacted)
-When BuzzFeed does a stupid listicle about your student body's stereotypes, you know you're screwed.
-Boy, Kentucky sure has stepped up the, "hundred dollar handshake," to get with the modern times. Too bad Kentucky fans don't understand crowdfunding, or computers, or electricity.
-You know why ducks fly through Kentucky upside down? 'cause there isn't anything worth crapping on. Unless you're a member of the football team, then you crap on everything, apparently.
-We know they're passionate about their team (famously to a fault), but, maybe Kentucky fans should cool it with the tattoos and the, well, the tattoos. Also, stop getting tattoos. Seriously, STOP.
-This doesn't suck, but how in the heck does the University put out schedules with pictures of women that obviously aren't from kentucky.
-Kentucky isn't in the bottom 10% of education for nothing, folks. See, I told you.
-I don't even know what this is.
-When you've got a little dude on your team named 'T.V.' that looks like Pharrell, you've pretty much hit rock bottom.
-I still want to shave it. Please, make it stop.
-Dang shame how Jared Lorenzen got snubbed for, "Biggest Loser." Maybe he should've tweeted them. That would've helped. (hat tip: @MeetMeAtTapps)
RT spurrier: kentucky "has athletes now. they’re not the same slow team they used to be."" God I hate that man. #ballcoach
— jared lorenzen (@JaredLorenzen22) September 29, 2014
-God Bless you, Lloyd Tubman, A KENNY CHESNEY REFERENCE! WE'RE SAVED!!! (drops mic)
Drive safe, Go Cocks, Tip your Waitress.
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