I've already told my cable company I want the SEC Network. What now?

Mike Ehrmann

You've tried everything else. Now try this.

July is already upon us. Football season is approaching. Soon enough, South Carolina and Texas A&M will be kicking off the 2014 season and doing it on the SEC Network, which is a channel that you might or might not have.

Some of you are fortunate enough to have tickets to the game or have cable through either AT&T, Google Fiber, or Dish Network. So far, these are the only cable or satellite service to have definitively announced that they will be offering the SEC Network when it premiers this fall. While subscribers to some cable providers have more reason to hope than others, everyone else is basically left in the lurch until August 28.

Maybe you just don't do social media. Or perhaps your job prevents you from engaging in such insolent behavior on the world wide web. No problem. I'm happy to be an asshole on your behalf.

If you fall into this latter category, one thing that you should definitely do is go to this site and let your cable provider know that you want the SEC Network. It's basically a chance to cast your vote in favor of adding the channel to their lineup. The downside is that voting is basically a pointless exercise and no one but you and your cable company will know you did it. Where's the fun in that?

I'm here to tell you that there's another way: harassing the recent grad getting paid $35K a year to manage your cable company's Twitter feed. What this approach lacks in being remotely effective, it makes up for in instant gratification and the possibility that you'll bait the company denying you access to 24/7 coverage of the SEC into some manner of public embarrassment.

Maybe you just don't do social media. Or perhaps your job prevents you from engaging in such insolent behavior on the world wide web. No problem. I'm happy to be an asshole on your behalf. We probably don't have the same company -- RCN is a relatively obscure provider that only serves the Northeast and Chicago -- but that won't stop me. Just set me up with the relevant Twitter handle and the particulars of any scandals or controversies your provider has been involved in and we can get started right away.

Here are some illustrative examples of my work hounding my own cable company's twitter account:

Special skills include the ability to incorporate popular emoticons and memes:

***

If you like what you see, hit me up on Twitter and I can get started right away. I'm also willing to be a nuisance on Facebook and Instagram and pretty much anything but LinkedIn and Google+ because that's where I draw the line.

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