This will, of necessity, be quick, because I have a plane to catch in Detroit in a few hours to make it back home (finally) where television and couch await me for a glorious Saturday.
(And then he looks at the schedule.)
Well, a college football Saturday, anyway.
First, last week. I went a respectable 15-3 straight-up, but bombed on the score, going only 3-15. (Remember, I'm holding myself to a pretty high standard with the requirement that I come within a TD of each team's score, instead of doing the beat-the-spread stuff.)
So let's get back on track.
East Carolina at No. 6 West Virginia
Man, this would make a great upset pick, wouldn't it? The Pirates came close at Virginia Tech and played the Mountaineers (relatively) tight last year. Which is exacly what they'll do this season, before they lose again. West Virginia 24, ECU 18
No. 16 Clemson at N.C. State
Again, I pick with my head, not with my heart. But this might be the one week of the season I root for Tom-O's boys. Clemson 31, N.C. State 7
Syracuse at No. 21 Louisville
We know Syracuse can't stop Louisville, and we know Louisville can't stop ... well, anybody, really. So this game should end around midnight ET. Louisville 48, Syracuse 34
North Carolina at No. 18 South Florida
Again, a tempting upset pick, if I thought USF was getting full of itself. That hasn't happened, I don't think, at least not yet. Give it another year. USF 22, North Carolina 15
No. 4 Florida at Ole Miss
Yeah, Ole Miss is going to stop Florida. President Bush is going to admit he was wrong and hire qualified people. And Larry Craig really does have a wide stance. Florida 52, Ole Miss 14
Army at No. 11 Boston College
No upset pick here, either. (There has to be one somewhere.--ed. I'm getting there.) Boston College is the cream of the crop in the ACC, which isn't worth much, but worth enough to beat Army. Boston College 23, Army 6
William and Mary at No. 23 Virginia Tech
Please. Please. Virginia Tech 42, William and Mary 0
Illinois State at No. 20 Missouri
See above. Missouri 52, Illinois State 3
Northwestern at No. 7 Ohio State
Tressel doesn't blow out anybody. He just beats you. Unless, of course, your teams are FAST! Ohio State 23, Northwestern 14
No. 8 Penn State at Michigan
Got insomnia? Watch this game. Long, grinding, nighmarishly boring drives followed by punts. Lots of punts. Penn State 17, Michigan 10
Arizona at No. 6 Cal
This would be the year for Mike Stoops to make his move. He hasn't. Cal 35, Arizona 14
UPSET ALERT No. 17 Kentucky at Arkansas
First off, let me make clear that I believe the Wildcats are the better team. But I also think they'll lose this game, for a few reasons: (1) Letdown from Louisville; (2) An angry Arkansas; and (3) They play at Arkansas, never a place you want to be. Arkansas 34, Kentucky 27
Rice at No. 9 Texas
Who knows? Texas has underperformed against cupcakes all year long. They do it again here. Texas 24, Rice 23
Marshall at No. 25 Cincinatti
Is Cincy overrated? This game won't tell us. Cincy 45, Marshall 14
No. 22 Georgia at No. 15 Alabama
If I ever rooted for Georgia -- which I don't -- this would be the time, as another SEC loss is sure to knock down the prestige of our victory over the spelling-challenged Dawgs. Alabama 24, Georgia 17
Washington State at No. 2 Southern California
RATED R. Southern California 48, Washington State 4 (two safeties in garbage time)
Iowa at No. 12 Wisconsin
Another supposedly good team that's had the crap scared out of it over and over again. Wisconsin 17, Iowa 13
No. 10 Oregon at Stanford
You would say Harbaugh is out to exact revenge for his alma mater ... but he seems to hate them now. Oregon 36, Stanford 0
Charleston Southern at No. 19 Hawaii
This is just pathetic. Hawaii 73, Charleston Southern 3