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A Lighter Shade of Garnet: Irrefutable Explanations for the Yardcocks’ Midweek Woes

By Jorge De Los Gallos
OMAHA, NE - JUNE 29: Head coach Ray Tanner of the South Carolina Gamecocks ponders dropping "duck-sniffer" into the postgame presser. (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)
OMAHA, NE - JUNE 29: Head coach Ray Tanner of the South Carolina Gamecocks ponders dropping "duck-sniffer" into the postgame presser. (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)
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Note: In this new feature, we channel our inner-EDSBS and take a humorous/satirical look at various and sundry Gamecock sports narratives.

In last night’s 2-1 win over the Davidson Wildcats, the Yardcocks continued a trend of relative futility in midweek games. Their 9-3 record against the Tuesday/Wednesday set includes a pair of one-run wins, too. A few bad bounces, and we’re looking at 7-5! Yes, that’s Dabo logic, and yes, each loss was also a one run affair, but don’t harsh my Chicken Little buzz, bro. Also worth noting: Our three mid-week busts exceed our combined total from the World Series seasons (28-2 over that stretch. Oh, hey, I was at one of those losses. Aren’t I lucky?) We also haven’t posted a double-digit outburst, even though we’ve scored 10+ five times during weekend series.

(Continue reading after the jump.)

The burning question is, "What gives?" Why can’t we take advantage of mid-major opposition as we have in past years? Hell, we’ve scored 65 runs in 12 midweek tilts; last year, we scored 59 runs in three games! Of course, all you Rational Richards will cite Ray Tanner’s need to feel out his pitching staff and get ABs to a freshman-heavy lineup. In a year when experience isn’t our strongpoint, it makes sense to use our out of conference slate as a testing ground for the n00bs, thus explaining our relative lack of dominance in that realm.

That’s nice. But you know what’s more fun than reasoned analysis? Conspiracies! To wit, I’ve taken the liberty of compiling a Definitive List of Irrefutable Explanations for the Cocks' midweek woes. Read on:
  • Lacked necessary inspiration from marine life.
  • Presbyterian College intimidation factor ratcheted up due to consecutive defeats of Clemson.
  • Food coma brought on by ill-timed "chicken finger Wednesday" pregames.
  • Team morale sapped by Michaels Roth’s dry dugout lectures on business ethics.
  • Alshon Jeffrey’s weight [Bullet point provided by Mel Kiper.]
  • Good ol’ fashioned hubris!
  • Bat temperatures plummet after a robed Jack Leggett casts "SLUGGERUS FRIGIDUS" spell from Millennium Buffet parking lot.
  • Seasonal bellyitching outbreak.
  • A distracted Ray Tanner too busy thinking up a folksy, media-charming one liner.
  • Joey Pankake’s last name is totally Pankake. Not a reason for struggle; it just can’t be mentioned enough.
  • While excited about the future of Gamecock basketball, players slightly unnerved by Frank Martin's tendency to glare into the dugout and eat baseballs.
  • Team history buffs fear repercussions of angering ghost of Francis Marion.
  • Failure to provide gift of rum to Jobu.
  • Due to sunset gametimes, batters blinded by glint of numerous College World Series rings, trophies.
Can this 2011 squad remedy the above concerns? Let's hope so, lest our remaining midweek slate against Furman and USC Upstate prove to be the unraveling of our shot at third consecutive national title. But take solace, Gamecock fans: if we don't go all the way, threepeat can still exist in our lexicon.

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