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The Steve Spurrier Hand Tattoo Is Staring Into Your Soul

After all, Coach Spurrier's always been a master of backhanded compliments.


Hey. Hey, you. C'mere.

Here's a tattoo Steve Spurrier on a hand.

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I'm dead, you're dead, we're all dead. The HBC Backhand Special killed us all.

The silver sideburns. The vacant countenance, all taut-lipped and distant, as if some rookie beat just posed a fluff question like "Does this team have as much heart as any you've coached?" Still, there's a grain of mystery trapped in that thousand-mile gaze. "Tattoos? Got one, but only Jerri, the good Lord, and a Bahamian inker named César know where and of what."

Also there's a Gamecocks baseball logo for some reason.

If you want to ruin this with context, read below. If you'd rather weave your own mythos, that's something we understand and encourage.

NOT AS CRAZY BUT STILL WEIRD CONTEXT: First of all, this is/was not a real hand. There isn't some hero strutting through town with the Ball Coach's swayin' face greeting waist-high dogs with a look of equal parts confusion and chagrin that seems to ask "Why am I on a hand?" Alas, this is a photograph of a dummy hand, taken at last weekend's Asheville Tattoo and Arts Expo. But the good news is there exists a tattoo artist with the skillset necessary to make this masterpiece a reality.

If you're tempted to invest in this specific brand of Spurrier body art, you're not wrong. Consider the benefits:

• Horrify your MMA opponents. A FLURRY OF SPURRIERS TO THE FACE!

• Make handshakes hilarious by affixing googly eyes.

• Craft a pair of novelty finger jeans, stage puppet show for local orphans.

• Tattoo Danny Wuerffel on other hand, pound fists together while shouting "NOW KISS". (NOTE: Only do this if you're Phillip Fulmer)

• Clutch the Spurrier Butthead Cup, brimming with Coors heavy, and chug while shirtless to instantly become president of South Carolina.

HT: the inimitable @drewharkins