The South Carolina state senate recognized Bruce Ellington's scholastic and athletic achievements at the University of South Carolina by passing a resolution in his honor.
Garnet And Black Attack was granted exclusive access to the text of the resolution.
Whereas Bruce Ellington served as a fine ambassador of our state, garnering unanimous praise and admiration even when ripping out the hearts of men from other American states;
Whereas Bruce Ellington demonstrated uncommon courage and self-sacrifice by entering a voluntary agreement to play basketball for Darrin Horn;
Whereas Bruce Ellington's college career is filled with examples of him doin' balling-ass shit, like throwing a touchdown pass and catching two more IN THE SAME DAMN GAME;
Whereas this whole charade is a pretty poor use of taxpayer money, to be honest, but at least we're passing a silly resolution instead of homophobic legislation;
Whereas this is going to be super awkward for the Clemson graduates in the Senate, given his three touchdown catches and wins over the flagship university's little brother;
Whereas Bruce Ellington is a paragon of physical fitness, making him an ideal mating partner as we look toward the continuation and betterment of our species;
Whereas Bruce Ellington is a native of Monck's Corner which is a ridiculous name for a town if you think about it;
Whereas Bruce Ellington is of kin to current NFL player Andre Ellington and yes this is just an excuse to link this;
Now, therefore, be it resolved that primary schools throughout the state of South Carolina shall be encouraged to adopt an Ellington-based curriculum that recognizes Bruce Ellington as the creator of Heaven and Earth.
The "Go Cocks" have it.