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2014 Kentucky Derby preview: Start time, betting, TV channel, and horses named after Steve Spurrier

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Let us help you make sense of a whole week's worth of buildup for two minutes of horses running in a circle.

What is the Kentucky Derby?

The first leg of the Triple Crown, The Kentucky Derby is a Thoroughbred horse race held every year on the first Saturday of May in Louisville, Ky. at the Churchill Downs racetrack. Twenty three-year-old horses run the one-and-a-quarter-mile long track. Millions of people across the country tune in out of sheer boredom and as an excuse to drink mint juleps.

How can I watch it?

The 140th Kentucky Derby takes place at 6:24 p.m. EDT on Saturday, May 3 and airs on NBC. You can also watch the undercard and hours of Derby pre-show on NBCSN.

Can I throw away my disposable income by attempting to predict the outcome?

Yes. Click here for details on how to place wagers online. But since you don't know anything about horses, this is not advised.

Can I use magic to predict the outcome of horse races?

There are a few characters in popular culture who have demonstrated an ability to do this, but it always seems to come at great personal cost. In the song "Chips Ahoy!" by The Hold Steady, a woman has the ability to see a couple seconds into the future, which helps her and her boyfriend score a nice payday by picking the horse named in the title of the song. This talent comes at the expense of migraine headaches when she does it too much. (She always does it too much.)

On an episode of The Twilight Zone from 1960 called "A Most Unusual Camera," a group of thieves come into the possession of a camera that allows them to take photographs of the future. One of the ways they try to profit off of this discovery is by photographing the finish line of a horse race. The unwillingness of the characters to share their new toy with one another ultimately leads to everyone falling to their death out of the window of their hotel.

Do some of the horses have ridiculous names?

A lot of them do. Some personal favorites include California Chrome, Vicar's In Trouble, Uncle Sigh, Harry's Holiday, and Intense Holiday. With 5-2 odds, California Chrome is the favorite to win the race.

Are there any horses named after things Steve Spurrier is known for saying?

No, but it would be pretty great if that was the case. It could the case some day though. It just takes one rich person who is a fan of Steve Spurrier. Hey, that could be you! Maybe you'll even make your fortune from betting on this very race. If you do, here are some suggestions for what you could name your new Thoroughbred:

  • Gitdawerdout
  • Poopin' Around
  • Seven's More'n Two Threes
  • See Y'all On Saturdee
  • Glenn?
  • But Anyway
  • Alright, My Man
  • And So Forth
  • Matoozles
  • Sumpin' Likaat

Are there any Spurrierisms that we left out? Be sure to let us know in the comments.