South Carolina football 2014 roster preview: Coleman Harley

HEY REMEMBER LAST YEAR WELL WE'RE DOIN IT AGAIN

COLEMAN *@(%&(*@%&*(@%&*(@$%@&(* HARLEY
- DO NOT DARE CALL HIM A JUNIOR. YOU WILL CALL HIM SIR.
- TALL AS A SEQUOIA, HEAVY AS A BUNCH OF MONSTER TRUCKS ON A BARGE
- FROM AIKEN SC OR AS HE CALLS IT "ACHIN', ESSE" CAUSE YOU WILL BE ACHIN' WHEN HE'S FINISHED WITH YOUR SORRY ASS, ESSE [SHOTGUNS 20 BEERS]

Recruitment:
5 STARS. SORRY, THAT'S HIS GTA WANTED LEVEL. HE'S CURRENTLY ROLLING A TANK DOWN MAIN STREET.

College Career:
COLEMAN HARLEY HAS SPENT MOST OF HIS TIME IN THE CLASSROOM DEVELOPING NEW AND EXCITING TECHNOLOGIES FOR MUDHOLE STOMPING, NAMETAKING, AND ADMINISTERING TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVERS TO HATERS

2014 Outlook:

Trivia:
•WHEN IT THUNDERS, THAT'S JUST COLEMAN HARLEY CRACKING HIS KNUCKLES. THE LIGHTNING IS WHEN HE HAS A GOOD IDEA
• OLD FAITHFUL? COLEMAN HARLEY CALLS IT 'THAT LUKEWARM WATER FOUNTAIN IN WYOMING'
• COLEMAN HARLEY SNEEZED JUST BEFORE ANDREW BAGGETT STEPPED INTO THAT KICK, CAUSING ENOUGH OF A DISTURBANCE IN WIND PATTERNS TO ALTER THE KICK'S TRAJECTORY. EVEN MORE IMPRESSIVE WHEN YOU CONSIDER HARLEY WAS IN ROMANIA WRESTLING BEARS AT THE TIME. BEAR DANDER IS NO JOKE
• NOT SURE WHO THIS SOCCER TOURNAMENT THINKS IT IS, BUT THE WORLD CUP IS LOCATED IN COLEMAN HARLEY'S JOCKSTRAP
• JADEVEON CLOWNEY DECLARED EARLY BECAUSE, AND I QUOTE, "COLEMAN HARLEY SCARES THE [EXPLETIVE] OUT OF [HIM]"
• ENJOYS JASMINE TEA
• WHEN STEVE SPURRIER LOOKS AT HIS PLAYBOOK, ITS JUST A BUNCH OF PICTURES OF COLEMAN HARLEY PUNCHING ENORMOUS SPIDERS
• WHEN GOTHAM CITY SHINES THE BAT SIGNAL, BATMAN SHINES THE HARLEY SIGNAL. AT THAT POINT COLEMAN HARLEY TRASHES BAD GUYS AND LETS BATMAN TAKE CREDIT FOR IT.
• COLEMAN HARLEY HELPED YOUR DEAR OL' MOTHER CROSS THE STREET. 'CROSS THE STREET' IS WHAT HE CALLS 'GET PREGNANT'.
• COLEMAN HARLEY IS YOUR DAD.