THE GOOD ONES
- Alabama Crimson Tide - If you didn’t watch the presumptive favorite to win the College Football Playoff for the second consecutive year utterly decimate Tennessee this past Saturday, please click here for a re-enactment. Alabama’s looking so good that people are beating the ‘Lane Kiffin should be a head coach again’ drum. Think about that.
- Texas A&M Aggies - Honestly, we all hope that the bye week was well-utilized in College Station because y’all are traveling into the cauldron of doom that is Bryant-Denny Stadium this week. Everyone hopes this game is as entertaining and good as it could be, and not three-and-a-half hours of Alabama bludgeoning you to death with a pool noodle.
Arkansas Razorbacks - While it wasn’t the crazy, wacky, game from a year ago, the result was the same this past weekend for Bret Bielema’s semi-erotic large hogs. A suffocating defense, and bonus points for a really loud stadium help them leapfrog in the standings.
Ole Miss Rebels - There is only mild cause for alarm amongst our bowtie-wearin’ brethren. A stingy Arkansas defense shook up Chad Kelly and the Rebels’ attack, but if they can right the ship and put together a solid performance on the road in Baton Rouge, there is still light at the end of the tunnel.
LSU Tigers - The sometimes-not-good LSU offense looked quite competent against Southern Miss. Who knew that a former Purdue quarterback could throw three touchdowns in a single game? It’s kind of a shame, though, because Southern Miss is exactly where Ed Orgeron is going to end up after he leads the Bayou Bengals to an 8-4 season and a bowl win and LSU, predictably, doesn’t hire him full-time.
Florida Gators - The other SEC school with a former Purdue quarterback also had a good day on offense against Mizzou, despite Luke Del Rio’s best efforts to, literally, throw the game away. This team is talented, but should not be trusted.
Tennessee Volunteers - Really sorry, y’all. We had no idea you were going to get pantsed by ‘Bama on national television. They didn’t tell us, honest. I mean, you’re still going to probably win the East, which is good, but, ‘Bama’s probably going to whup you again in Atlanta.
OKAY, Y’ALL GO PLAY AMONGST YOURSELVES
Mississippi State Bulldogs - It’s okay. BYU’s kinda good. Replacing the best player you’ve ever had is kinda hard. Hey, the State Fair looks kinda fun.
Georgia Bulldogs - Listen, things like this happen. You never plan on getting beat by Vand-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH
But, seriously, Georgia, that’s the sneakiest defeat at the hands of a Tennessean since Bill Haslam stole Fort Oglethorpe.
Missouri Tigers - The best part about getting shellacked by a suspect Florida team is that there was a really good chance nobody saw it. Barry Odom has got a sputtering 1987 Mitsubishi Lancer and the odds aren’t in their favor moving forward.
Vanderbilt Commodores - Derek Mason’s win over the Georgia Bulldogs doesn’t mean that their team is worth a hoot, but it does mean that his job is likely safe for at least another year.
Kentucky Wildcats - Speaking of pool noodles, y’all wanna take a sneak-peek at what their upcoming game against Mississippi State is going to look like? There, saved you three hours Saturday afternoon. You can get some chores done now.
OTHERS RECEIVING VOTES -
South Carolina Gamecocks - The Gamecocks face the UMass Minutemen after a week off, but will do so without three key players, and have no real identity on offense, and y’all still have them favored to win by TWENTY POINTS? This doesn’t make me feel good at all. Not one bit.