- Alabama Crimson Tide - It’s weird that we’re calling a 34-6 victory over Kentucky an ugly win, but, Alabama still looks sketchy in spots. However, an ugly win is still a win for the undefeated reigning national champions. Nothing to see here.
- Texas A&M Aggies - Trevor Knight is not a world-beater, and the Aggies are prone to fits of self-limitation on offense, but, the defense is arguably one of the best in the country, and are the only tangible threat to Alabama’s inevitable title run.
- Ole Miss Rebels - Eugene Brazley had himself a day as the #SWAGBUS cruised right on past its rival, Memphis. Wait, that’s not right. Nevermind. Anyways, this is a good team.
- Arkansas Razorbacks - Fall is coming, and Bret Bielema’s got college football right were he wants it: 4-1 and at the bottom of the SEC West. Next week’s matchup against Alabama shouldn’t be weird at all.
- Tennessee Volunteers - I know you beat Georgia on a Hail Mary and everything is lovely on ol’ Rocky Top, but, the team still has absolutely no ceiling or floor and that’s why they’re right here in the middle.
- Auburn Tigers - Sean White isn’t the flashiest quarterback in the world, but, when you couple his consistency with Kerryon Johnson’s big-play potential, you’ve got a team capable of beating anyone in the country except anyone in the top 10.
- LSU Tigers - No coach? No problem. No quarterback? we’re in the SEC, so that’s implied. The Bayou Bengals looked as solid as they have all season in week one of Ed Orgeron’s new reality show, ‘I CANNA SAVE YO TEEEM’. So they’ve got that going for them, which is nice
- Florida Gators - If you watched the sloppy, sluggish, sometimes stupid affair that they had in Nashville this past weekend, you are either a sick person or a paid college football reporter (in which case, why are you reading this?). If you did not watch the aforementioned
garbage firefootball game, do not pay attention to that, nothing has changed...Florida is okay, but flawed.
- Mississippi State Bulldogs - A quality performance against BYE WEEK helps, but, the entire program hinges on the performance of Nick Fitzgerald, who is the team’s leading passer and rusher by a wide margin. It’s not impossible, but, their schedule coming home is absolutely BRUTAL. 6-6 will be a successful result in Starkville.
- Missouri Tigers - Do not let the results fool you, this team is as useless as a bag full of left shoes. Drew Lock will make the Jacksonville Jaguars very disappointed in a couple of years, but, that’s about all that’s happening.
- Kentucky Wildcats - A sad field goal against Alabama is still a sad field goal. What’s worse is that it’s highly likely that this squad will be 5-6 and dreaming of bowl bids before they inevitably lose by 4 scores to Louisville.
- Vanderbilt Commodores - The defense is pretty good. That's it. That's all I've got.
- South Carolina Gamecocks - Do they have the potential to be higher? Yes. Do they deserve to be higher? You tell me.
*AUTHOR’S NOTE: Georgia has been kicked out of the SEC. No trades will be made. Don't @ us.