In our second of a three-part series counting down to college football season (we did a piece at the 90-day mark! Go read it), we take a stab at next week’s SEC Media Days and what to expect. Wait, SEC Media Days are coming up? That means that football season’s around the corner! Here’s six things that might happen, or may not happen at all because part of this is satire. (Don’t worry! We’ll have a more serious look next week.)
- Plenty of coachspeak. Sadly, this will be the first SECMD in a while that we won’t have the pleasure of hearing from Steve Spurrier. Which means that we won’t see him take shots at opposing coaches, give us history lessons, etc. Actually, you know what? It’s going to be rough not having the HBC there. Who will become the king of SECMD in his stead? Well...
- Nick Saban goes on rant about satellite camps, or whatever subject is on his mind at the current time. I’d really love to see Saban give his opinion on the upcoming presidential race, especially since the week after SECMD is the Republican National Convention. Wait. Maybe he endorses a presidential candidate during his media availability? Perhaps he announces that he is Donald Trump’s running mate? Saban’s good for a few quips, but not in the Spurrier fashion.
- Hugh Freeze gets asked 4932745876245 questions about the NCAA’s investigation of Ole Miss, politely steers the conversation back to football each time, only to be asked about it once again. Good thing Freeze is a patient man, because he’s going to get that question or a variation of it all afternoon long. "Will the NCAA investigation have an effect on the football field?" "Coach, how have you handled the NCAA investigation?" "Coach, North Carolina nearly won the college basketball national championship while being investigated by the NCAA. Does that provide motivation for your team that you may be able to make the College Football Playoff?" "Coach, Chad Kelly threw for over 4,000 yards and rushed for over 500 more last season. How has he been able to not focus on the NCAA investigation and focus on football?"
- Will Will Muschamp and the South Carolina contingent continue the HBC’s longstanding tradition of going to the Arby’s right down the street from the Wynfrey Hotel? Muschamp seems more like a McDonald’s guy to me, to be honest. Fortunately for him, there is one right across the street! Or he may choose the Chipotle or Wendy’s that’s in that general area as well.
- Gus Malzahn politely dodges questions about his job security. "Coach, the last few guys that your athletic director has given a vote of confidence for have been fired. How are you handling things coming into 2016?" "Coach, how much harder is it to win without a Heisman Trophy winner and #1 overall pick at quarterback?" "Coach, is your middle name really Gustav?"
- Arkansas head football coach #BERT eats an entire rum ham before his time on stage is up. I know that #BERT is not the thinnest guy out there...actually, hold on. What if he unveils his new, slimmed-down figure at SECMD? That would really steal the show.
Thanks to our own Kevin Searcy and Sam McDowell for the help. They’re the real MVPs.