Greetings, sprots fans!
The South Carolina Gamecocks travel to
a really pretty place with weird people Lexington, Kentucky tomorrow to face off against the Kentucky Wildcats in what seems like the 32nd road game of the season. Whether you’re going to be watching from the stands in Commonwealth Stadium, or tweeting about it from under your couch enjoying it on the television, we here at GABA want to make sure that you, the fan and reader, are prepared to deal with any and all Kentucky fans appropriately. Because, win, lose, or, well...we don’t draw anymore...but anyways, win or lose, the name of the game is knowing how to talk smack to your opponent, and we’ve got you covered. Sorta. Now, while I know that most Kentucky fans go to football games just to keep dibs on their parking spaces for basketball season, and we haven’t exactly been in a position to needle anyone for the past two years, this doesn't mean that you’re supposed to forfeit your God-given right to rib your opponent, and we are here to help you give the Kentucky Chinstrap football fan in your life a little bit of the business. Thus, without further adieu, your Trash Talkin’ Points:
- When BuzzFeed posts a listicle that details your student body's stereotypes, you know you're screwed.
- Y’all have a quarterback named Towles that’s a Harry Potter superfan? Good grief. Also, how the heck did y’all charge $10.95 for that magazine?
- You know why ducks fly through Kentucky upside down? 'cause there isn't anything worth crapping on. Speaking of crap. Kentucky football is, literally, ‘Pooh’.
- You heard the poop joke here first.
- Speaking of which, the Kentucky Media Guide is a wealth of information. Did you know that the Wildcats football team has a guy named ‘Taco Meat’, a Vanessa Carlton superfan, and a hotdog eating champion? Now you do.
- We know they're passionate about their team (famously to a fault), but, maybe Kentucky fans should cool it with the tattoos and the, well, the tattoos. Also, stop getting tattoos. Seriously, STOP.
- Okay, we all know y’all aren’t the brightest tools in the shed, but at least you can get paid.
- I don't even know what this is.
- Which is okay, because, in the state of Kentucky, you’re still sober until you can’t hold onto the ground anymore.
- You've got a little dude on your team named 'T.V.' that looks like Pharrell; I can’t help you.
- I still want to shave it.
- How IS Jared Lorenzen doing these days?
Well...that’s all for this week. Stay tuned as we talk smack throughout the rest of the season!