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Previewing the Opposition: Georgia.

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Here’s what you really need to know ahead of Saturday’s matchup with the DAWGS.

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The University of South Carolina Gamecocks kick off against the University of Georgia Bulldogs on Saturday at 3:30 pm in Williams-Brice Stadium.

If you didn’t know that, I’m not sure why you’re here, but, hello anyways!

If you’re looking for a solid X’s and O’s preview, well you can listen to the GABACast (please?), you can look at this preview, this one, or you can really nerd out with Bill C’s preview of this year’s UGA team.

This preview, however, is going to go in a different direction.

I mean...look at this

What are going to be the REAL factors that play into this weekend’s match-up against the DAWGS? Well, brother (or sister), you’re in the right place. I present to you, the three REAL keys to a Gamecock victory on Saturday.

Weather

Now I know you’re saying, ‘but, DC3, it’s hot as crap in Athens, too’ and I get that, but, the real kicker here is just exactly how hot it will be, because it will affect one of the most crucial things for any UGA fan: the outfit. At 3:30 pm, you’re entering the hottest part of the day, and you’re entering the omnipresent summertime period where a Thunderstorm could pop up quicker than a Demetris Robertson fumble. We need unpredictability.

We need them in their own heads: ‘do I wear the black Masters polo or the white one? Or do I wear the Nick Chubb jersey and the cargo shorts? Do I need to put the Patagonia raincoat in the F-150 just in case? or do I say screw it and put on body paint and LARPing gear?’

The more things they have to worry about, the less time they can spend practicing that guttural noise that sounds nothing like an actual bulldog’s bark. Pray for 93 as a high, and 40% chance of afternoon thunderstorms.

Advantage: South Carolina.

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Media Bias

We all know the mainstream media hates Georgia. Never respects them. It’s been like this for decades. It’s a tragedy, really, that a team that has been consistently in the top 10% of the country in recruiting for the better part of thirty years but has only won a couple of conference titles and found new and different ways to piss away shots at a national title (see 2002,2011,last year), has been treated like the boy that cried wolf. But, it’s what Georgia fans NEED to survive. The more media bias the better for them. They’re like vampires, but instead of the blood of mortals they live off of the detritus from local beat writers everywhere.

Take this, for example:

You have absolutely no IDEA how triggered this has made Georgia fans. Like, they have never seen someone throw shade before. Deebo Samuel isn’t even really throwing shade. He’s just screwing with a reporter asking a question he doesn’t feel like answering. and UGA fans have LOST THEIR MINDS about it. And don’t even get me started on Tori Gurley saying that he guaranteed a USC win.

Or this example. UGA is eating it’s own kind over an article that reviews each positional unit. It’s not even a good article.

Let’s hope that they’re all spending too much time vision-boarding their weight room and reacting to things coming out of the mouths of talking heads and not spending enough time focused on how to beat the Gamecocks.

Advantage: South Carolina.

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The ‘more important’ games on their schedule.

Let’s face it, UGA fans are exceptionally quick to explain to you, an uncouth South Carolina fan, that this game is not a rivalry game to them, and that they’ve got far more interesting games on their schedule to worry about, like, laying an egg against Mizzou in a couple of weeks.

Georgia fans will go to great lengths to let you know that they’re not at all worried about South Carolina. Yeah they’ve got some issues to iron out replacing a big chunk of their defense that’s cashing checks on Sundays now along with their generational talent at running back who’s been replaced with D’Andre Smith and their other quarterback named Jake now has to battle for his job with Justin Fields and who cares how many great wide receivers you have because there’s only one ball, and heck I wonder what those cheatin’ ass Auburn Tigers are up to right now. We are definitely NOT worried about South Carolina. Not one bit.

In the end, we can only hope that they’re all too worried about all of that other important stuff, and they forget about the angry chicken waiting to bite them on the balls.

Advantage: South Carolina.

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So, there you have it. Gamecocks win. And that’s all you need to know about that.