July is already upon us. Football season is approaching. Soon enough, South Carolina and Texas A&M will be kicking off the 2014 season and doing it on the SEC Network, which is a channel that you might or might not have.
Some of you are fortunate enough to have tickets to the game or have cable through either AT&T, Google Fiber, or Dish Network. So far, these are the only cable or satellite service to have definitively announced that they will be offering the SEC Network when it premiers this fall. While subscribers to some cable providers have more reason to hope than others, everyone else is basically left in the lurch until August 28.
If you fall into this latter category, one thing that you should definitely do is go to this site and let your cable provider know that you want the SEC Network. It's basically a chance to cast your vote in favor of adding the channel to their lineup. The downside is that voting is basically a pointless exercise and no one but you and your cable company will know you did it. Where's the fun in that?
I'm here to tell you that there's another way: harassing the recent grad getting paid $35K a year to manage your cable company's Twitter feed. What this approach lacks in being remotely effective, it makes up for in instant gratification and the possibility that you'll bait the company denying you access to 24/7 coverage of the SEC into some manner of public embarrassment.
Maybe you just don't do social media. Or perhaps your job prevents you from engaging in such insolent behavior on the world wide web. No problem. I'm happy to be an asshole on your behalf. We probably don't have the same company -- RCN is a relatively obscure provider that only serves the Northeast and Chicago -- but that won't stop me. Just set me up with the relevant Twitter handle and the particulars of any scandals or controversies your provider has been involved in and we can get started right away.
Here are some illustrative examples of my work hounding my own cable company's twitter account:
@RCNconnects Is there a similar network for the the @SEC? If so, I would very much like to have it.— Connor Tapp (@MeetMeAtTapps) June 12, 2014
@RCNconnects Thanks Jackie! I looked really hard but I couldn't find the @SECNetwork on there. Maybe my computer is broken?— Connor Tapp (@MeetMeAtTapps) June 12, 2014
@RCNconnects oh good thanks for letting me know I almost threw my computer away because I thought it was broke lol— Connor Tapp (@MeetMeAtTapps) June 12, 2014
@MeetMeAtTapps We wouldn't want that to happen! Definitely let us know if you a have any questions in the future! -Jackie— RCN (@RCNconnects) June 12, 2014
.@RCNconnects did i do it right? pic.twitter.com/oMZb3rGW2s— Connor Tapp (@MeetMeAtTapps) May 30, 2014
Special skills include the ability to incorporate popular emoticons and memes:
Connor: [is seized with terror at the thought of football season without the @SECNetwork] @RCNconnects: pic.twitter.com/VZR2wdgmlz— Connor Tapp (@MeetMeAtTapps) June 21, 2014
@RCNconnects [turns on TV] [still doesn't see the @SECNetwork in the channel lineup] (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻— Connor Tapp (@MeetMeAtTapps) June 10, 2014
.@SECNetwork, this could be us but @RCNconnects playin' pic.twitter.com/ZfvFZwM7rw— Connor Tapp (@MeetMeAtTapps) May 30, 2014
If you like what you see, hit me up on Twitter and I can get started right away. I'm also willing to be a nuisance on Facebook and Instagram and pretty much anything but LinkedIn and Google+ because that's where I draw the line.