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SEC Power Rankings: Ron Swanson.gif Edition

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It’s the one thing this week that we’re whole-assing!

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No game again this week for Carolina. It doesn’t mean they will be a non-factor in our power rankings. It just means there was no new data to consider.

I received a number of emails last week from people that couldn’t believe I put Tennessee above the Cocks. Some couldn’t believe I put Ole Miss above the Cocks. To that I say get a life.

These rankings mean next to nothing. There is little or no emotion wrapped up in them. Half the time I just put Alabama at the top, Arkansas at the bottom, and write down every other team in the order I remember they exist. Who better to represent that level of not caring and doing the bare minimum a job requires than Ron Swanson?

“But Demetri,” you say. “Didn’t Ron Swanson value hard work and attention to detail?”

If we’re talking about turning a fallen tree trunk into a canoe, then yes. But Garnet and Black Attack isn’t a site about turning fallen tree trunks into canoes is it? We’re here to fart around, tell a few subtle dick jokes, and talk about college football. So let’s get to it.

1. ALABAMA (8-0)

For the season Bama has 52 offensive TDs, 4 defensive TDs, 2 special teams TDs, is 60% on field goals (good by Bama standards) and has 2 safeties.

2. LSU (7-1)

Every LSU fan’s pre and postgame speech.

3. GEORGIA (6-1)

When you win the Cocktail Party next weekend.

4. FLORIDA (6-1)

When you lose the Cocktail Party next weekend.

5. KENTUCKY (6-1)

We’re still more than a week away from Halloween and the Wildcats are bowl eligible! Celebrate, Kentucky fans!

6. TEXAS A&M (5-2)

Me trying to tell A&M fans that even though they are a better team than I thought they’d be, it wouldn’t surprise me if they lose all 5 of their remaining games.

7. AUBURN (5-3)

Auburn half-assed the last five games before last week. Maybe that beat down of Ole Miss is just what the doctor ordered for a team that started the season with CFP aspirations.

8. MISSISSIPPI STATE (4-3)

The Bulldogs have failed to score a TD in 2 of their last 3 games, and even though I think they are good enough to beat A&M next week, but they can’t do it the way they have been playing lately.

9. SOUTH CAROLINA (3-3)

South Carolina fans when I say I’m sorry for ranking Carolina below Tennessee last week, but see I have them below Auburn this week.

10. OLE MISS (5-3)

The SEC isn’t going to have enough bowl eligible teams to fill its allotment and it is all because Ole Miss is awful at cheating.

11. MISSOURI (4-3)

Missouri got it’s fourth win of the year and still hasn’t played the three teams below them in these power rankings!

12. TENNESSEE (3-4)

Let’s go live to Jeremy Pruitt’s halftime interview.

13. VANDERBILT (3-5)

Vanderbilt fans address the offense after Saturday’s game.

14. ARKANSAS (2-6)

EVERYONE! EVERYONE! ARKANSAS WON A GAME!