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SEC Power Rankings: Chris Farley.gif Edition

Let’s all laugh at one of the funniest men to ever live, because it’s the only thing that can put a smile on our faces this week.

South Carolina v Missouri Photo by David Eulitt/Getty Images

It is a rough week in Gamecock nation. There is no way to sugarcoat this. The season is off the rails and Carolina is a bottom tier team in the SEC.

When the schedule came out, everyone knew it was going to be rough going for the Gamecocks. Each of the preseason top 3 were on the 2019 schedule along with fellow preseason top 15 teams Florida and Texas A&M. Add to that a Kentucky team that has had our number of late and a Tennessee team that was supposed to be on the rise (emphasis heavily on the “supposed to”) and it seemed like if there was a realistic path to a bowl game, it was going to be narrow. Carolina had to win every single game it was supposed to and maybe pick off one of its preseason top 15 opponents.

Well, the Cocks were supposed to win against UNC and Mizzou and they did neither. The offense couldn’t hold on to the football. Ryan Hilinski threw the most ill-timed interception imaginable. Those two factors combined to give the Tigers a pair of highlights that will surely end up on that team’s end of season reel.

I can’t reminisce on this anymore. Chris Farley always makes me happy. Let’s skip straight to the power rankings.

1. Bama (4-0)

They are genuinely starting to look bored. Not that anyone is playing with slumped shoulders or not feeling joy in scoring or winning anymore, but it was clear from their second drive that when Tua is accurate, there isn’t a lot anyone can do, because if he gets the ball into his receivers hands, most of them can’t be caught.

2. LSU (4-0)

What do we call this team? They are putting out some serious greatest show on turf vibes, but they don’t play on turf. Maybe the greatest show on swampland? Greatest show on the bayou? Whatever you call this offense, Joe Burrow has turned the Bayou Bengals into must-see-TV!

3. GEORGIA (4-0)

I am still not entirely sure what to make of Georgia. They were tested by legitimate top 10 competition and won, but I wonder what is up with this offense. Did losing receiver JJ Holloman before the season kill all of Kirby’s trust in his passing game? They just aren’t willing to let Fromm take a lot of risks, and I don’t know how you can play like that and beat teams like Bama, LSU, Auburn, or maybe even Florida...well, probably not Florida. Either way, I am not sure what good these UGA fans guaranteeing a victory if they play Clemson is going to do. I’m not convinced the Dawgs are going to get the chance.

4. AUBURN (4-0)

Gus Malzahn beat another top 25 team. This time he did it with his true freshman QB playing like a true freshman and JarTavious Whitlow struggling to eek out 3.7 ypc. So let’s assume Gus has a message for those boosters that are reportedly pining for Bob Stoops.

5. FLORIDA (4-0)

When you tell a Florida fan when you tell them their dominance of Tennessee over the last decade means next to nothing.

6. MISSOURI (3-1)

Mizzou dragged our asses this week. That offense is nothing special and they kept Carolina at a more than safe distance by taking turnovers to the house. Visions of Ronnell Perkins are going to keep Ryan Hilinski up at night for the next year.


Two words: Kylin Hill.

8. TEXAS A&M (2-2)

As soon as people started talking about this being a breakout year for A&M because Jimbo is an elite head coach and the Aggies have elite talent, I started shouting from the rooftops that Jimbo has lead a team to a top ten finish a grand total of twice when he quarterback was not named Jameis Winston. I have been saying that at best A&M would be a 7-5 team in 2019 and have been called foolish for it. Well, now they’re 2-2 and were never close to the only two good teams they have played. I told you all this would happen. Why are you surprised?

9. KENTUCKY (2-2)

Did you all know that Kash Daniel is still on this roster? How old is he now? Like 31?

10. OLE MISS (1-3)

(Scene: An Ole Miss fan in his therapist’s office shouting about NCAA sanctions, Matt Luke in general, Pac 12 officials, and the missed chance to beat a top 25 team)

Ole Miss fan:


What it’s like to be a fan of this team.

12. ARKANSAS (1-3)

When you come to the sad realization that this is what an IMPROVED Arkansas team looks like.

13. TENNESSEE (1-3)

Jeremy Pruitt each week when it is time to run out of the tunnel.

14. VANDERBILT (0-4)

Forget what happened on the field. Nothing LSU did shocked Nashville more than how much its fans drank. Vanderbilt Stadium was out of beer on Saturday before halftime.