The Head Ball Coach

RT spurrier: kentucky “has athletes now. they’re not the same slow team they used to be.”” God I hate that man. #ballcoach

— jared lorenzen (@JaredLorenzen22) September 29, 2014

The first thing to note here is Jared's lack of skill in correctly retweeting someone. (Original tweet via Allen Kenney.) The second is that Lorenzen either a) took this too personally or b) doesn't realize just how bad Kentucky has been in recent years or c) that Steve Spurrier mean this as a compliment.

Click the link above to watch a live stream of Steve Spurrier's weekly press conference. The Head Ball Coach will begin speaking at noon ET.

Highlight of film study with Gamecocks likely that Spurrier calls WR Nick Jones "Governor Nicky."

— Josh Kendall (@JoshatTheState) August 7, 2014

If you've heard Steve Spurrier talk about Nick Jones since the senior wideout came to Columbia in 2010, then you've probably used to hearing him called "Nicky." Well, Steve Spurrier has apparently taken it a step further and begun calling him "Governor Nicky," according to Josh Kendall of The State. You see, Nikki Haley is the governor of South Carolina and Nicky and Nikki are homophones. What additional references might Spurrier still append to the 5'6 receiver's existing nicknames? At this rate, it's not inconceivable that the HBC might end up calling him something like Governor Nicky Sixxpence None The Richard Pryor. Still, this is not the greatest logical leap that Steve Spurrier has taken in assigning a nickname to one of his players.

who says he can't recruit RT @ryanreal: @edsbs Good morning https://t.co/8HVkWXKZqj

— Spencer Hall (@edsbs) July 25, 2014

Following South Carolina's annual media golf event last week, Steve Spurrier took some time to answer questions about the Gamecocks' chances of making a run at an SEC title in 2014. As he often does, the Head Ball Coach spent some time explaining how he'd rather take things one game at time instead of getting fixated on one or two opponents. He recalled his early days in Columbia and how one of his first acts was to rip down the "Beat Clemson" signage in the locker room. Taken out of context, his comments are hilarious and strangely hypnotic. I didn't realize that Spurrier had hired Tobias Funke as a speech writer.

Steve Spurrier to Jesse Palmer comparing Palmer to starting QB Dylan Thompson: Not as pretty as you...#HBC #Barnyard

— Matt Barrie (@MattBarrieESPN) July 15, 2014

OK, let's take stock of what has just transpired. Spurrier threw some serious shade on Palmer for the amount of attention he devotes to maintaining his good looks by calling him "prettier" than Dylan Thompson. Here, "pretty" is distinct from "attractive" in that it qualifies his appearance with a degree of femininity. While perhaps not the most forward-thinking insult Spurrier has ever dished out, this is still highly effective shade in the context of a 69-year-old man comparing two football players. In a single stroke, both Palmer and Thompson can consider themselves knocked down a peg, and that's why what Steve Spurrier does should be considered art.

Obligatory Shirtless Spurrier Cover pic.twitter.com/yN7idh67oN

— Kev Roché (@kevROSHAY) July 8, 2014

Check out more of Kev Roche's excellent work at Kev Draws and follow him on Twitter at @kevROSHAY.

Here is Steve Spurrier celebrating his birthday - party hat and all. pic.twitter.com/pKMVJrpBdL

— Chris Dearing (@CDearing82) April 24, 2014

It's simultaneously frustrating and beautiful that the iPhone photographer didn't tap the area on his screen where Spurrier's face is. This would have refocused the photo on the Head Ball Coach rather than that patio chair in the foreground. As it is, we have a busy scene with relatives showering Spurrier with attention while Steve himself looks unamused, as if the big picture of getting older and eventually dying just hit him. At least he agreed to wear the hat on his 69th birthday.